This Ole House
The day started off weird.. But this has been a weird week. Our sons are going off to college. Our oldest moved out back in June leaving us alone with just Josh, our youngest.. We have had so many people living with us at one time. 4 to 5 extra at a time. Now, it’s just my wife and I with our youngest.. My wife is attached to our youngest, not for any special reason but that he is the last. This is a mother’s dilemma…(as well as a father’s.) She is created for nurturing. Loving. Holding.. Caring for and raising, and the last child, well… That is the end of a season. A Season of 18-20 years.. A Season your whole life has been involved in. Everything that has made life what it is.. And when purpose and being is gone, a low dark cloud comes over a soul. A loneliness. A hurt.. An emptiness that nothing else really fills.
We loaded the car and took our youngest to college.. Now, back home we experience only something we have had only once in the last 20 years. Silence.. Nobody in the house. No one is living with us. No one is darkening our halls, running around.. Using our stuff.. We are alone. The cloud lingering overhead. Silence is screaming and is deafening. What is it saying? What is it telling us? This house has known people.. Lots of People.. Crowds.. What once was a beehive of activity now serves as a shell, a cocoon for us who remain. What will come out of this? What will be birthed?
This ole house has been through a lot, and so have we.. We are repairing walls, ceilings, bathrooms… Worn for the years, but loved. Used, but not used. The house is just showing signs of age and the effects of loving people; the giving of oneself for the need of community. It creaks a little, but not more than it should. It needs some Tender Loving Care. Healing from the wounds it has endured for the love it gave. And so it is with us.
Sitting inside, waiting. Yet working.. Rebuilding and repairing. Shaping.. Transforming. The house is going to ok. It has endured much and with the right kind of attention and care it will be better than new, but right now things are disorganized. Nothing is where is should be. No area is inviting. We live among the clutter. This ole house is in need, and need requires time.. And so do we… Our souls, my soul, is tired.. My spirit fights for breath. The youthful energy is gone. Times of transformation, metamorphosis, require a lot of energy. This ole house has gotten older. The walls of my heart are brittle and cracked. The attic of my mind is clouded with the unsettled dust of the repairs, while needing repaired itself. Though room to store new stuff is there, the clutter from the old is scattered making it hard to move. Rooms inside of me that housed certain people, things, now are shadows of things that once were. The rooms need repairing. Textured.. Sanding. Painting… Memories linger as the chips in the paint. But it’s hard going into these rooms. These things take time. Metamorphoses usually do.
To work on this house you cannot start on the whole, but only focus on an area. The whole is overwhelming. We need vision to see past the clutter, the faults, and problems to see the possibilities of what can be again. But this too is change.. And Change takes Time.. We cannot rush it..
This ole house has its problems. We all do.. But life is filled with goodbyes.
“It’s all right, children. Life is made up of meetings and partings. That is the way of it. I am sure that we shall never forget… this first parting that there was among us.” A Muppet Christmas Carol.