Gleaming from the 3 Magi and Their Role

Merry Christmas!! Happy Holidays! And oh YES… Happy Anniversary to us!!
You see, today is our Anniversary. 28 years to be precise.. See, I love this time of year! I love the sights. The Smells.. The Decorations… The Music.. Most of all I love the Movies!! I Am a sucker for Christmas Movies. Romantic Comedies to be precise!
But this Christmas is different. I am alone. I am sitting in my apartment this Christmas season, on our Anniversary, with the tree lit in it’s warm glow of multicolors. The ornaments hung by my wife before she left. Each one placed purposely.. accordingly to shape, color, size… I am listening to instrumental Christmas music as I do every morning since she left for America to see the grand baby, and our family.
I am missing out on Pumpkin Pie, Buttermilk Pie… Watching movies with those I love. Family arguing about the little things of life.
I had to stay behind this year. So for the first time in 28 years we are apart for our Anniversary. For the First time in 30 years we are apart for Christmas and New Years. I am watching all our favorite movies.. the classics and the newer ones! But it’s not the same. This year, it’s about Mitzi.. My wife.. It’s about who she is and what she is becoming..
Oh!! This is also my First Christmas and New Year in Albania…… I am alone trying to figure out what this season of my life has taken me, and where it has brought me. I am trying to figure out what the New Year will bring with it… Like all movies there is the Star of the Show.. The one figure the story is based around. Also there are minor characters and backups…. And like most Christmas movies, the theme is love… Love Lost. Love Forgotten.. Or Love Awakened.. And in the stories the characters are reunited, or brought together, by circumstances beyond their control.
Memories of the past are brought to light. Feelings of love spring forth. Regrets, hard decisions, bad choices made brought to remembrance.. Plans of the future seem bleak. Hope sometimes lost… Regrets seem to heavy to bear. Loneliness breathes it’s chilly breath on the back of the neck, sending a chill thru the soul. Past wounds are dancing like fairies in the mind.. But it is here that the story, our story, maybe your story too.. Takes place..
You see, even though there are a couple of main characters, (and seems love always finds a way) there is always this one character who has but a small part in the whole story, but sets the stage for events, or seems to be able to bring perspective to things. Offering more understanding to those around… This character is able to shed light, to make clear the choices set forth.. This character usually has few lines and isn’t seen often but drops these weighty words that find fertile soil in the hearts and minds of those around…. For instance, Tiny Tim in a Christmas Carol.. The little girl in the Grinch Who Stole Christmas.. Scott Calvin’s son in, The Santa Clause…. Or yet, Even more important and true, The Three Wise Men coming to see the New Born King in Bethlehem…
The story isn’t about them. But without them the story doesn’t unfold. The story doesn’t get told. Wisdom is not understood… And so this Christmas.. This Anniversary.. This New Year.. The theme for me is this.. I am not the star of the story. I am not the hero, or even a main character! I am just this one who comes in and out of the stories around me. The one who appears for a brief moment, says his lines, and then leave. I am walking with the Ghost of Christmas Past.. I am being drug by the coattail of Christmas Present.. I am eagerly awaiting Christmas Future..
My part in this story is to say my line.. To set the stage for those whom the story is about. To draw attention not to myself but to the one who the spotlight is on. And this season, the last 2 years even.. It’s not about me. I am not the star of the story. I am not the main character. I am in a supportive role to which the story is allowed to play out.
My wife, my family… (and others around me).. it is their story that is being told.. It is their time to shine. I say my lines. I play my part.. I set the stage so that they can capture the moment. At most at times I am just a stage hand. Preparing the set, the scene, so that life can continue for the characters. I may or may not have a speaking role… The props are heavy.. The scenes are crowded and hard pressed.. I have to manuever in such a way that things can keep playing out.
Sometimes I have a few words to say, a gift to give… But, this too is only a brief moment and then it’s gone..

I am alone, in Albania… First time my life, I am alone.. Because…. The story isn’t about me. In thinking of the first Christmas, I realize the gift of the Magi on that first Christmas Morn was the set-up. A minor story.. An introduction of a Great Story. It wasn’t about them or the gifts.. They were minor casts coming to set the story in perspective. It wasn’t about what they gave, or the struggles, or the journey to get there… No one asked the 3 Wise Men how it went? No one asked them for personal information… No one took down their names, or followed them on their journey to see the King of Kings. Nor were they asked if they made it safely..
There was no great fanfare given on their return. No crowds followed their journey back.. They even had to take a different route, a new direction to get home. We don’t even know if they made it home or not… WHY?? Because that’s not what the story is about..
So, I will not lose hope.. I will not get over frustrated as I pass away from the story around me. I will not try to steal the spotlight with gifts, or the adventure it took to get here. I will just say my lines… I will just set the stage for those whom the story is to be told…
I will watch as the story of my wife unfolds. As all fairy tales and Christmas stories, I will watch as one rises above the struggles of the season, who finds her place in this world. I will present my gifts.. I quietly lay them down.. I silently back away from the scene, as she takes her role, using her gifts and talents to be the person she was meant to be.
See, John the Baptist had it right… “I must decrease.”.. Maybe there is truth in these Christmas stories, “it’s better to give, than to receive.” Maybe we can learn more from the Wise Men than we thought.. Maybe we would do better serving, giving, and leaving, than we would trying to capture more of the moment than we should. Maybe, we are a small part of a greater story.. We will never know the impact of our lines and parts until the play is over. But one thing is for sure. We can not take the Lead Role.. We can not be the Main Character… There is only one for that. The Wise Men came, they followed a sign.. The Star.. They found the Christ… They gave their gifts.. with no strings attached. They gave what they had to the one that would Give ALL He Had. They didn’t waste time. And they were soon forgotten! (And so will we be..)
This Christmas.. This New Year.. I wish you the Best.. I wish that you find your role in the story of your life, and those around you. I hope you look closely at the First Christmas and gleam from there a brighter tomorrow. A Merrier Heart.. and A New Year for eternity..

Echoes from the Past, Shadows of What was

Echo

• a sound or sounds caused by the reflection of sound waves from a surface back to the listener.

• a close parallel to an idea, feeling, or event.

• (of a sound) be repeated or reverberate after the original sound has stopped.

Please give me the liberty to use a few movie quotes… If you have seen the movie, The Grinch, starring Jim Carrey as the Grinch, there is a scene where he is in his cave up in the mountains talking to himself and his dog. He gets distracted by the echo repeating what he says and he starts talking to the “Echo”.. So he wants to call the Echo an idiot, so knowing it will repeat him, he says, “I’m an Idiot.” The Echo replies back.. “You’re an Idiot..” Now he gets mad and whispers knowing it won’t echo, but still the “Echo” replies, “You’re an Idiot.” (I love the Scene.)

I don’t know why, but I find is hilarious. But as I sit alone this Holiday Season in my apartment (My wife went home for the holidays to see our family,) here in Albania reflecting on this past year, and also what has lead to this point, my mind can hear the faint echo of words that were said. Some were said in whispers, and some said openly.. But the words that were said reflect in my distorted mind bouncing off the walls of doubt, shame and fear, reverberate back to me, “You’re an Idiot.”

The words of people, maybe spoken in shock, or maybe in disbelief, resound in my soul. “You left America?” “Are you CRAZY?” “Are you Mentally OK?” “You sure you are making a wise decision?” “What about your children?” … What ever words they speak, the “Echo” is, “You’re an Idiot.”

Or maybe in my reflecting, I am more in-touch with the scene from “A Christmas Carol,” where Scrooge is talking with the Ghost of Christmas Past. And as he is shown some of the small joys, but with those the great loses.. Loses made by bad decisions and poor judgment, he is left completely undone. He responds, “Spirit!” said Scrooge in a broken voice, “remove me from this place.” “I told you these were shadows of the things that have been,” said the Ghost. “That they are what they are, do not blame me!” “Remove me!” Scrooge exclaimed, “I cannot bear it!”

As I reflect on the past two years, living now in Albania.. Family back in America. Friendships have dissipated. Friends have died.. Extended family has moved on.. The youth I ministered to, now married and grown. Some with their own families now… What was, is just “shadows of the things that have been.”

Previous churches where once I had friends, previous leaders and pastors saying, “You’ll never do anything, as long as I am here.” Or, “Just Leave!” And some even saying, “No one likes you.”

These are all echoing in the recesses of my soul. They reverberate, they echo.. doubt, fear, and shame. Oh how, I have cried out many times, “remove me from this place,”!!

So, as I reflect on the choices and decisions I have made.. The resounding “Echo” of my mind is, “You’re an Idiot.” But!! like the Ghost of Christmas Past, The Holy Spirit responds, “these are just shadows of things that have been.” And in saying this He affirms that this is not who I am, nor is it who I was. These are just words from the Grinch, Satan himself, speaking lies into this wounded soul.. Lies spoken from the “father of lies,” in hope of stopping what is. What can be…

See, I am an emotional person by nature. I feel before I think, and I often feel deeply. I am moved more with compassion and mercy than thought and reason. I do stop and think, and I try to keep my emotions under control, but God has so wired me that I feel deeply. (It helps when ministering to others in loss and suffering, in grieving and isolation, but can be overwhelming at times.) So, words are powerful. They carry a great weight with them. And even a lie spoken more often than the truth, becomes more real in the mind than the truth itself. This is why Satan, “the father of lies,” is also referred to as the “deceiver”, “crafty”, and “the accuser”.

This holiday season.. I am alone. Reflecting on the “shadows of things that have been,” I am writing down the good, the bad, and the ugly.. And even though at times I still scream, “Remove me from this Place,”  I know I am comforted by the Great Comforter, The Holy Spirit, who will never leave nor forsake me. The One who says, “My Peace I give, not as the world gives.” It is this Holiday Season I reflect, I listen, and I wait for the “Echo,” of the one I love the Most. The One who came as babe, born in a manger. Born of a virgin. Who came to bring “Peace on Earth,” an “everlasting Peace,” whose rule will bring justice to the oppressed, healing to the afflicted, and comfort to them that mourn.
And as I still battle with my doubts, fears, and shame, the lying “Echo” screaming “You’re an Idiot,” I will reflect on the one who forsook All.. Who came from Heaven and “though he was rich, He became poor,” so as the Ghost of Christmas Present said, “come and know Me better man,” our God bids us “Come!”

Merry Christmas!! “God Blesses One and All!!”